Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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