So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
