im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He passed out mid-signature
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
