mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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