the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
