Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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