u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
