Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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