I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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