dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
