Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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