You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
