I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
