I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
