just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
