i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
