Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
