halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
