Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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