i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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