Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
