I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
