I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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