and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
