why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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