I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
