Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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