I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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