Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
