I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
