Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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