At least make sure they are 18
Why
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
