jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
