meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
