Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
