Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think my mom watched the whole time
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
