It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
