I hate your face
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
