so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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