dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
