I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
