I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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