booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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