I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
