pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
