meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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