All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
