then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
