I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
