Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
