Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
