you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
